Oh l'amour!

This is my roommate's favorite song of all time, it's very appropriate today:

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=JARax3VTPdQ

Your words were the absolute PERFECT way to wake up this morning, thank you so much my best friend. And the imagery of warm snow and calorie-less cookies and being neighbors makes me especially happy :) I'm making these before work today, they have whole wheat flour, so that means they're healthy, right??

I love that you transcribed that letter for me. I love that he mentioned Collin. I love that especially because last night I read over one of my own love letters and it actually mentions you and collin in it :) I'll transcribe a bit of it for you. I wrote it at some point in my last semester of college, with the intention of handing it to my fiance some day.

My dear someone,


My best friend Jessica just called me and read out a love letter she's (maybe?) sending to Collin, an on-again, off-again suitor going on four years. It was lovely. She decided to write it after they shared a simple evening together at his house, cuddled up in blankets together and just talking the night away. Holding hands. He walked her to the car and she said, "Well, I think you better kiss me good night"... and he did. Right on, boy. Good job.


Her letter made me want to write one to you. Where are you? Do you think of me? I took so much joy in listening to Jessica just now, remembering/imagining all of those feelings- closeness, trust, love, companionship, warmth, the catch in your breath and the butterflies in your stomach that all come with spending time with a someone who makes you forget all else and yet love and remember everything in the world at the same time. I've wanted that tingle, that connection for a while now. It's been a while. I fully believe you are coming, that these joys, these hands to be held, will be here soon. 


I've never been one to believe that there's only one right person for me out there. Have you? Lately, though, I'm starting to wonder if you are a specific person. Michael my cousin gave me a blessing not too long ago that said something to the effect of, "It's not so much a matter of WHO you marry, but where and when." When I first heard that I scoffed to myself- "Uh, I'm PRETTY sure the WHO is a big deal, too"- but as I've thought more about it, I've come to the conclusion that maybe all he meant was that, for me, the who is completely taken care of. You are a specific man and we must both lead separate lives until God, fate, destiny, etc. see fit to cross and intertwine our paths for eternity. 


My goodness I look forward to that day. The day we are sealed. Companion, I have a heard full of love, and lately its been broken- once severely by a certain Harvard tennis player who was everything I ever thought I wanted- truly, he filled every checklist. Oh, except for that box that says, "Love ME, recognizes my great worth, and is there for me." You will check that one off again and again and I thank you for that. Love is of God. We are meant to love, you and I , and everytime I have tried to unleash my love on a boy I've felt a certain pull, a certain guiding whisper saying, "No, don't go there." Which leads me to believe our Heavenly Father REALLY wants only YOU to have my heart. I'm just young and have tried to give it away before its time. I'm building up patience, though, and experience. Because when I meet you, as we learn to love, I think I'll be all the more ready after so many misfires. My heart is yours.


I think I spend too much time searching through these disparate puzzle pieces, trying to complete a picture that I'm not yet ready for. I should rather take the time to savor the little glimpses, the little flashes of life, that parade right outside my door everyday, instead of bounding through the beauty of the world blindly focused on a future I can't--and shouldn't-- even truly describe just yet. 


This much I do know, though, and Jessica helped remind me of it tonight. There's a certain flavor that falling in love with you will most certainly have. There will be blankets and smiles, moonlight and a hand brushing hair out of the way. Eventually there will be a ring and tears and the excitement between just the two of us at the prospect of starting a new life together. Let's build a home, a marriage, stronger than all the destructive forces of the world. I'm getting ready for that now. I bet you are, too. 


I sometimes wonder if you're out in the world in love with someone else right now. I actually don't mind picturing you that way. Hey, you're only human, and I hope you're the type of guy that, well, LIKES GIRLS. Sometime soon, though, you and the other girls will crash and burn. Chin up, though. You are being prepared to be MY companion, and I will not fail you. 


The point of all this is, soon all the beauty we see around us we'll have  the priviledge of seeing together. As lovers, as man and wife. Maybe at that day, facing some rocky terrain and looking like total junk after hiking or biking or running, or just adventuring, I'll hand you this letter and we can laugh and trace both of our spiritual and emotional growth since this point in time, when we were separate. That's going to be one fine day. I can't hardly wait for it. I'll be seeing you soon, handsome man. Take care. I love you. Get ready to catch. :)


Lindsey Ann



Today for me is going to be Valentine's Day, not SAD day, because I have too much love in my life to feel sorry for myself, much more than the average lonely person out there. Thanks again for all your best friendship, it means so, SO much to me.

The guy I was asking my question about was Taylor Z, whenever I think about him I think that he was the first and only guy I've ever met that I felt completely comfortable and happy around, someone I could be around for... years. Forever. Obviously, there is quite an element of too late-ness with him, and I am happy that he seems so happy (I KNEW he was going to marry a little granola blondie, he told me once he was afraid of marrying a Chinese girl who didn't like to hike and I was like, "Dude, you won't marry that kind of girl because you won't love her enough, you'll marry someone you like to be hiker you around.")

Anyways, maybe I will write him a letter someday, thank him for his friendship and wish him the best, which I do. I don't have anything I NEED to say to him at this little season of my life, but maybe in the future. Good idea, Jess.

Haha- so my braggy post on my other blog- I was going to end it with this picture (remember this?)

But then I remembered Jed's initials are J.B., and I got scared- what if he read my blog and got the wrong idea?? hahaha, that would be epic and also awkward and sad. But I love this picture, so I'll put it where it belongs, on THIS blog.

OK, time to cookie it up then spend the REST of this Valentine's day hawking cute pink cupcakes and marbled brownies to 1000 other couples all night. I'm actually kind of excited. It feels almost like service, the best way to spend this day when you're single.

Have a wonderful, wonderful day, enjoy the fact that you are currently working hard to make your and Adam's family a family of three! Oh oh it's MAGIC!

Query

I tell you what, when it Rain's it pours...savor these two posts for a little. they are nothing compared to the magic you write, but hopefully it will be something worth reading.
I thought I would entertain your questionnaire:

1. What do you do if there is something you regret from the past (aka a boy you didn't just say "to hell with it I adore you" to) and it's genuinely too late now? What do you say to yourself?



I say "too late" is not in my vocabulary. Obviously there are some restraints that should be made if they are in another relationship that is bound by God, but even then it's never too late. You can tell them even then, just being conscious of the partner and involving them in the process.  Does that make sense?
Also, just as a random thought, IF there was such a thing as too late, how would forgiveness work? What if you never got to say your sorry to someone to their face? does that make it too late?? Nope. There are other ways to seek forgiveness from the individual as well as yourself. Forgiveness comes in many different ways, Though it is best to always talk to the individual if possible. if what you have to say will cause more harm than good it's obviously not the right to seek that forgiveness in person.
I digress. I still say it's never too late.
I have thought about some of the boys I've dated in the past and some of them I still look back and think, what if I had just done this differently. Not to say I want things to be different from what I have, but sometimes I want to go back and not be the idiot I was with some boys. I found a letter that I want to share with you. I shared it with Adam, and told him that Mike very much reminded me of him. Mike was a guy I dated, but just wasn't ready for the commitment I guess. The X factor was missing, no matter how much I tried he was just "big Mike" to me. He did everything right, but it still didn't work out for some reason. He is married with 3 adorable children now and I sometimes wonder if I should just shoot his wife a letter and tell her how lucky she/we both are for finding the type of men we did. Though both are not perfect (I know) they are valiant knights of the Lord's Army. Protecting the family and truth.

BLAH BLAH BLAH, what about that letter? Well here it is....

Jess,

            Hi.  Sorry it has taken me a while to get back to you, but I wanted to be able to spend some time and thought into this.  I have been thinking about you a lot and how things ended and I just want to share with you my feelings.  I just got done watching, “Walk the Line,” and I could help, but think of the hot girl that took me to that movie.  (If you can’t remember it was you.)  Things have been hectic around here lately.  I have been working for my cousin, Amy, still on political fundraising events.  I have two new job offers as of this week which makes me excited.  One is for Lavar Christensen who is running for Congress and the other is for Orrin Hatch.  It pays off being a college grad and having the experience I have had with politics so far.  Both parties have made generous offers, salary wise, to me and I am blessed for having either.  I need to decide which one I will best serve in.  Lavar has offered me the position of advancement director for all of his events and Orrin has offered me a job as a logistics/convention director.  To be honest with you, I don’t know which one I will take, but I will be prayerful on it and probably should go to the temple for guidance.  Cross your fingers. 

            I am still planning on taking the LSAT for law school, but I have pushed it back to October.  I can take it in October and have all my applications in for the deadlines at the end of the year.  That way I can be accepted somewhere for fall of 2007.  That is still my goal and I will work hard to be ready.  With these new salaries I can have my car and student loans paid off and have money in the bank before I gather more debt from law school.  I will be traveling a lot with these new jobs with campaign around the state, so that will keep me out of mischief.

            So nothing big going on.  Just work and babysitting Connor, who is still the cutest baby of all time.  J-Rod’s job that he was trying to get me at the surgical center didn’t work out, probably because he is full of crap, but that’s our secret.  Everyone is well, my brother, Billy and his wife are expecting a baby in September.  They are pretty excited.  No kids for me yet, not that I know of.  J/k.  I am glad to hear things are going well for you, but I didn’t expect anything less.  I knew that taking this job would be a blessing to you and the people of Kiev.  You are a beautiful person and they are lucky to have you.

              I had no idea any of that was going on. I sensed that you were not telling me something, but I figured it was none of my business.  I just didn’t know if I did something to offend you or hurt you.  I cared for you a lot and hope that wasn’t the case.  I don’t mind that you were seeing other guys, that is cool, but I was left in the dark about it.  About a week before you left, Justin and J-Rod, had told me about the other guys and I didn’t know what to say.  I was hoping to hear it from you, but I had to wait until your letter.  I am sorry if I ever offended you or anything.  The thing that makes me sad is that you had a tough situation in your life and you didn’t tell me.  I care that you were going through the worry about trying to please me and worry about me.  I would have been fine with you saying that your dating other guys and don’t want to lead me on.  I would have been fine with that.  I am just sorry that you had to go through all of that worry.

            The most important thing I want is for you to be happy.  It sounds like you are having a great time with your teaching, and I am happy for you.  I wanted to write you and just to tell you how I feel.  Ever since our first date when we went to dinner with Becky and Jared I have had the biggest crush on you.  I am not the best person in expressing my feelings so I never really came out and told you.  I knew you were leaving in a few months and I didn’t want to come off as if I was trying to use you or lead you on.  That is why I never tried to kiss you even though I really wanted to.   I didn’t want to become too involved and then see you leave.  But as time went on and we hung out more I really started to like you more.  That is why it was hard for me to hear about other guys and how you went on vacation with one over New Year’s.  I knew I wasn’t the only guy in your life, but when you start liking someone so much it is hard to see that.  When I was with you I didn’t want to be out with anyone else.  You made simple hang outs, like TNT or getting hot chocolate, super fun.   You were one of the coolest people I have ever hung around.  My feelings and actions to you were always genuine.  I always felt so comfortable with you and told you things, like about my mission, that I have told few or no one about.   I bought you flowers and things because I loved to see you happy and your beautiful smile.  I treated you like you should be treated.  You deserve nothing less from anyone else and should be treated like a princess.    

            Growing up with 3 sisters has helped me to see how to treat girls and to be aware of their feelings.  If not my sisters would have beaten me growing up.  Everything I did and said around you was who I really am.  Except for the fight list, I am all talk on that, except for that Collin kid I still want to fight him.  Every time I hung out with you I felt happy, except for the haunted forest which I am still scared of.  You were always there for me in those few months when I was struggling through my last semester, (stupid non-traditional student), and when things weren’t going right.  I would get a phone call or go to TNT and everything would be okay.  I didn’t care about anything else when I was with you. I enjoyed every moment with you even with times like when I helped you with your art project or even going to pick you up when you were with your dad.  I hope I don’t sound like a stalker or pervert or anything, but you were a blessing more than you know in my life.  I don’t want to sound sappy or anything either.  What I said to you at TNT was the truth.  It was nice to meet Carlton, and some of the freaks, but I really only went to be with you.  Don’t get me wrong, drinking Shasta as fast as you can, in the cold, with weird people, and chanting secret combination stuff is cool, but not a priority on my list any more.  I love the song TNT, but the activity not so much.  I had to get that off my chest. 

            Don’t worry about how we left off on things.  I understand how you were feeling with having to leave, and I am happy everything is working out.  I still use my sweat football blanket and have thought about eating cheese and jam bread again. (I just thought about it, not actually did it).  That is what I liked about you the most is how entertaining you were to be around.  I could make fun of you (sorry if it was wrong) and you would dish it back.  You will be blessed for having to put up with me for three months. 

 I try to be a good person and read my scriptures and stuff.  But you are always in my prayers and I truly do wish the best for you and that you are safe.  I don’t know what will happen when you get home, but I wanted you to know how I felt about you.  Keep in touch and send my best to your family.  Be safe, keep up the fight list, and remember to smile.  (Just remember the night when I listed all the great qualities about you to make you feel better.)  Put your trust in the Lord if you get discouraged and listen to the Spirit.  Thanks for telling me everything and keeping in touch.  Take care. Mike

So a lot of that might have not made sense, but this letter is something I will always treasure because Mike taught me that I was worth respecting. And guess what he also taught me that he was worth respecting and that was something I didn't do. I feel bad, and though we made up and are still friends sometimes I wish I could tell him thanks again. And maybe, someday, I will.

 



2. What do you do if you wake up every morning with no idea what you want to do today, next month, and this whole year long?
Every day. But then I remember the big goal of things. I just want to be Happy. and that comes from no where but within. Silly and Simple, but it's the truth. Who cares if I go back to school? Who cares if I finish the quilt that has been sitting in pieces on my floor for almost a month now? NO ONE but me. AND so I get to decide if that one failure is really going to hold me back from being happy that day. Some days I'm not happy, but I guess those moments make the happy ones all the more sweet.



3. Where are the people at? Where do you find them?
People? I'd like to know. The people worth finding are the ones you can talk to about anything and everything. Ones that value your opinion and listen to it. Not the ones that are thinking about what they are going to say while you are talking to one up you. Those people are lame. And should be confined to some solitary location where they can all annoy the heck out of each other. Also, if they want to take the chijuaua that lives next door...they can be my guest.

Much love Lindsey.

-Jess

Family

Lindsey,
It was 120% wonderful to get to talk to you for a full uninterupted hour(+) the other day. Something about just hearing your voice makes me feel better and connected to you. Plus, lets be real. When I type it makes me think about what I'm saying before I say it and when I have to sensor anything coming out of my head I feel like it just doesn't come out quite the same. Blessing some days, curses on others. :) BUT it makes me very much who I am.
I have been thinking a lot about the complexities you are dealing with-choosing to go home or not is first on my mind. The more I think about it I think it will be good. Sometimes I forget how healing family and home can be. We went home to PC today and visited the family for Valentine's day. It was a refreshing start. I have been feeling so ill lately and something about being home fixed me, for just a little while anyways.
Can I just say how proud of you I am? You get up every morning and have some adventure waiting for you. It would be so easy to just scramble back under the covers and say "Poo Poo world, I'm staying here today." But you forge onward, and upward. You are really an amazing woman. We've talked a lot about a lot of things over the years and I can't think of one moment where you have complained. Really. Maybe you have, but my brain won't let me associate the two! You are my Lindsey! You are a STAR! a bright and shining beacon. I hope you see that everytime you look in a reflective surface.
I love you. Though the words are simple, they are real. I hope you know how many of us love you every second of every day. We do, and I'm just hear to tell you.
Whatever you choose will be the right thing. I know it. Time is an amazing healer, and even though it seems like some days we just don't have enough of it, the truth is we do. We have eternity. Woot. I can't wait to be in heaven with you where we will be neighbors. I will come over and we will make cookies and then eat them all and not gain an ounce of weight. Then we will go snowboarding in warm snow. You coming?
Have an awesome Valentine's day. Because valentine's day isn't for saying I love you. It's for saying I love US. (thank you Hallmark)

Baby Room Decorating/Maybe this video will also cure morning sickness

I feel like this loveliness will 1. help you feel better 2. make your baby smarter if it appears all over his rocking chair or diaper pail or something. This is the bomb!

Holton Rower Tall Painting