Dibs!

Someday, in the not too distant future when you become a mom and I take up the mantle as super-pseudo aunt, I claim the exclusive privilege of buying baby Clayton the perfect pair of... sunglasses.

That's right. Sunglasses, to guard their tiny eyes from the vicious sun and make them hip. When I went shopping for baby stuff for the first time in college, for my first pregnant friend's baby shower, I fell in deep, deep love with baby clothes shopping after finding the world's most adorable pair of sporty baby sunglasses at Target. I immediately bought them for my friend Michelle's unborn son, and before I and my tiny sophomore-in-college bank account knew what had happened, I had paired the sunglasses with matching tiny cargo pants (complete with little compass) and plaid lumberjack vest. It was, in my humble opinion, the cutest outfit ever put together for a tiny human. Mark, now 5, is a much better boy because of those sunglasses.

So just know, someday soon, I will be bringing tiny sunglasses to town and making your kid look like this:

or this:

(I like this pic especially because I feel like this is a pose and a face that any child of yours would make when placed in front of a camera and outfitted with schweet orange shades.)

Ps that Chuck Klosterman is a genius. That is maybe, truly, the most inspiring thing I've read in years, scriptures aside.